How Well Do You Know Your Mate?
It’s happened to everyone. Whether via an email forwarded from her aunt, or the second to last page in a women’s magazine, you’ve no doubt been subject to a stupid random set of questions at some point. These questions are supposedly a huge factor in determining not just how well you know your mate, but how well you REALLY know your mate. The first of these, 99.989% of the time is, “What’s my favorite color?” As if KNOWING this somehow means that you two are soulmates, and not knowing means that you were only in it for the vivacious romps in the hay.
I’ve never understood the “favorite color” question. Favorite color of what? Any woman’s favorite color pants is black. Her favorite color eyeshadow is probably some type of beige, maybe with a whitish highlight under the eyebrow. Favorite color nailpolish and lipstick is usually a very similar color, from the brightest of reds to the palest of pinks….unless of course she gets those French manicures (Freedom manicures?). So if you do manage to guess her favorite color, or if you were wise enough to ask it on the first date, you get to move on to the next, ever so revealing question which is usually, “What’s my favorite food?” Again, it depends. It depends on what she’s in the mood for, what season it is, what time of day, and if she’s anywhere near THAT time of the month or not. Sidenote: If you do not have a clue, guess “sushi.” Most women like that a lot.
The grilling may or may not continue with favorite place to go on vacation, type of car, and other Cliff Clavenesque details that reveal no more about how well the two of you know each other than could be gathered in 20 minutes by way of spyware while surfing the Net.
How well you REALLY know each other is not something that can be measured with a few yes or no, one word answers, or even multiple choice.
Think about your close friends. The ones you know inside and out. Do you know their favorite pizza toppings? Does it matter? Can you sense within one second that something is wrong when they call you on the phone? Definitely. If you forget their birthday, is it not a big deal because they know it’s not that you don’t love them but that you just plain forgot? Probably so. If you both see something out of the ordinary, whether it be someone acting like a jerk, a lady with a ridiculous hat, or an extremely good looking woman, can you look at each other and know exactly what you two are thinking without saying a word? Of course.
How well you know someone cannot be measured accurately by way of a quiz in the back of a magazine. It can only be known, understood, and felt between two people.
Knowing someone very well takes time. No matter how well you seemed to have “clicked” upon first meeting, there’s still an awful lot of life that went into the both of you. Many things will come up as you experience life together and either be met with agreement or conflict.
But as with many other things, most of the fun lies within the journey, not the destination. The only major sacrifice of not knowing someone fully and completely is security. When you assume to know more than you think you do about a person, and she does or says something completely out of the character you thought she had, it will immediately catch you off guard. If this happens more often, it could be that she is not who you imagined her to be, which may or may not be a bad thing. Men tend to be louder and more outgoing as strangers and women tend to be quieter and more reserved. As you two get to know each other, your sensitive, funny, moody, and vulnerable sides will come out more frequently.
Are these quizzes completely void of meaning and without merit? The actual questions, most likely so, but the premise should not be entirely dismissed. When you’re in a relationship, particularly a new one, your job as new boyfriend is to learn and gather a lot of likes and dislikes of your woman. Her job is to do the same of you. Some people are just so darn giddy to be in a relationship that they miss this crucial point. Sooner or later an argument or disagreement pops up and they find themselves saying either aloud or in their head, “I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.” Anymore or ever? People do not tend to change much over short periods of time. In fact, most tend not to change much over long periods of time either, no matter how much incessant nagging goes into the effort. Compatibility is the biggest factor in if a long term relationship will work or not. While it cannot be measured or quantified by tests or random questions, it can be found over time by two very attentive, very patient individuals. Take notes, be sure to listen as much as you talk, and good luck.
