The Single Life

By Katharine Leis

So, poking around the Net and reading different articles on relationships, I find that all of them are on the same topic: Relationships.

Er, that didn't come out right.

There are SO many articles out there on how to test your relationship, how to make it better, deciding if a particular person is "the one" or not. What about just being single?

Is it THAT bad?

I've been single now going on two years. It's great.

I am a former relationship addict. Three years here, two years there, and what it really was for me was a loss of freedom. Maybe it was the people I picked or bad timing, but it always seemed my time, thoughts and attention were on addressing "his" needs and not mine.

Since I've been single, I've gotten an incredible amount of work done. I don't have to report to anyone or consult before taking a vacation with the girlfriends to Vegas. I don't lose sleep at night wondering if I'm being selfish. I know I'm being selfish. But that's okay, because I think this is the first time I've actually been totally happy.

I graduated from Florida State University a couple of years back. I went back for a visit a few months ago and ran into an old friend of a friend. The last time I saw this guy, he was still in his never-ending conquest for a wife. Every time I'd see him out at a club or a bar, he was moping because he didn't have a special someone. I knew him for a few years, and can't remember him ever having a girlfriend.

Anyway, it had been about a year and a half since I last saw him when I bumped into him at the Tallahassee Mall. He looked tired. I asked him if he still went out all the time and he replied flatly, "no." He said he was now married and had a two month old "kid." Apparently he finally found someone and within a month she was pregnant and they were married.

He said "a lot's changed. I'm not allowed to have fun anymore." He then stopped and just stood there. After a moment of uncomfortable silence I gave him a Jim Carrey line and said, "Well, see you later."

Now, I may be assuming, but this guy REALLY didn't look happy at all. All those years he spent searching for what he seemed to have now and he was miserable. Maybe he realized he should have enjoyed the freedom and his friends more when he had the time. Now it's all about the family and the bills, and his freedom is a distant memory.

I think the point here is, some day we all should probably grow up and accept responsibilities, and, of course, it would be nice to wrinkle up with someone else and throw out a couple of kids for good measure. But to get all bent out of shape because you're not "with" someone means to me that you are denying yourself from what could be a very productive and great portion of your life. I think before you figure out who you are and what you want out of life, you won't even be able to contribute to someone else's life. Especially if they haven't figured it out either.

Comments, questions, snide remarks may be directed to kat@mensclick.com