I saw a sign on a rather large hot air balloon which was bobbing menacingly toward the road.
The sign said "HUGE CUSTOMER APPRECIATION SALE."
Well, I'll be darned.
I've been waiting for one of those. I am not sure exactly how it works, but I would imagine that you go in and buy vouchers of some sort, then you can redeem them at department stores and such.
That way, when you enter a store and someone is rude to you, you can say "Ah ah ah" and shake your index finger at said sales associate, then produce from your pocket one of those customer appreciation vouchers. The sales associate will then have no choice but to be friendly and courteous to you.
Customer appreciation sale. What a grand and marvelous idea.
I took two of my cats to the vet this morning.
I would have said veterenarian, but I don't know how to spell that word. Anyway, I returned home and I kid you not, there were 5 pigeons on my driveway.
Not dead, no, very much alive. I had to drive up very slowly before they even got out of the way. Instead of flying, they decided to casually walk up the driveway, like a pigeon motorcade for my Camaro.
Anyway...I got out of the car, and noticed that there were two more on the roof, and an auspicious little woodpecker happy as a lark smashing his beak into my elm tree.
Truthfully, it probably isn't an elm tree, but I'm no arborist, so elm tree it is.
They were probably not pigeons either, but I'm no...entem...octo..bird studier, so pigeons they will be.
The point is, and this I can't even be certain as to it's truth, but the point is, I've never seen a mini flock as such, and I had to wonder if maybe they were rejoicing or thanking me for taking the cats away. Why else would they make such an auspici...no, already used that word, such a bold visit (not as good as auspicious, but it will do in a pinch).
Will they hurl acorns at me later on when I pick the cats up? Will they shake their little bird heads unapprovingly? Will all their hopes and dreams, wants and desires be crushed by the return of Foobie and Cheech? Yes, my cats are named Foobie and Cheech. I have two others, Nacho and Jane.
But that's not the point.
The point is, that nature my friends is watching. When you throw a candy wrapper on the ground, a squirrel cries. When you play your music too loud, snakes quiver. And when you have cats and let them roam freely in your yard, the pigeons do not dance proudly in the driveway.
Keep your cats inside, America. Sure, there will be more fur flying around and the litter boxes will fill up faster, but if you do keep the felines on the nearside of the screen door....take a look at the pigeons. You may just see a slight curvature at the face end of the beak. Yes, you may just make a pigeon smile.
Now folks, I must go...it appears I have completely lost my mind.
